Give More, Grow More, Sleep Better
November 15, 2007
As I recently wrote in response to Penelope’s post on what you do with your time after work, it’s important to continually challenge yourself in new ways. I recall a time in my life when it consisted of little more than the go to work, come home and plop on the couch and watch a few shows, perhaps hang out with my boyfriend, procrastinate on researching for my thesis, and fight the jealousy that he had more friends than me and thus didn’t spend every spare second in my company. It was a tough time. I was pretty miserable, even though I probably looked pretty successful. At 24, I’d purchased my own home, had a growing career at a respected company, and was about to finish my master’s degree. You know, things could have looked a lot worse on the outside. But on the inside, it was pretty much an all-time low.
And then we – my boyfriend and I – did something that expanded our horizons, challenged us, and gave us the opportunity to grow in totally unexpected ways. We joined a new church. We went a few times, and we didn’t like the music, so we wrote it off. Too rock show for us. But we ended up going back. And we kept going, because the community of people there made the effort to connect to us. We even actually started enjoying the music. Then, we volunteered to help with the teenagers. And let me tell you that even though I had worked with youth throughout college, it was a totally different and interesting challenge as a professional. Because, the thing was, these kids pretty much will look up to you no matter what. So it makes you really examine your time. You don’t want to have to tell kids who think you are pretty stinking cool that your hobbies include watching TV, examining your yard each night to see if the new grass is growing, and occasionally tossing in a load of laundry. Too lame, and nothing worth looking up to, which you very much want to be.
So it really made me re-examine my priorities and realize that there were a lot more cool things I should be doing with my time. So I started reading children’s literature again. I also gave up yard work and started this blog. Joined a photography club. Chose only to allow myself to turn on the TV if I had either the jewelry tools in my hands, my laptop on my lap, or my butt on the elliptical. Then, a month or later, I did something even more drastic. I said “yes” when they asked me to take over the band. Now, I have to tell you that music was my life growing up. Then, I arrived a college prepared to major in music and quickly abandoned the idea because I didn’t want to compete with my friends who were musical, so I considered myself over it. A good choice not to major in music, a bad choice to abandon it. But that’s another post for another time. Seven years later, I picked up a microphone for the first time since freshman year to sing for a crowd of 12-17 year olds. Let me just say, that was a major challenge. So is leading a band, which I’d never really done before. But now Wednesday nights are among my favorite. And I find myself saying things like, “we need to pick that up a little,” or “let’s take that one from the top.” And I love it.
Trading my butt-on-couch time for jumping up and down on a stage in front of an energetic, tuned-in crowd of teenagers one night a week may sound like a crazy leap. But it’s one of the best things I’ve done in a long time. Because every week, it stretches me, takes me out of my comfort zone, and reminds me that ultimately, if I’m going to be satisfied, I need to be doing something that’s not just challenging, but that adds value to people. Because as much cool stuff as we do, I don’t think we will ever be fully satisfied until we learn to invest time outside of ourselves and our own interests. It could be mentoring someone at work or an at-risk youth. Maybe it’s joining a volunteer organization or just getting to know a neighbor. Whatever works for you.
Because an amazing thing happens when you start putting yourself in a place that lets you pour into other people’s buckets. Your own gets just a little more full, and you find that you really don’t miss whatever show it was you used to watch, and you fall asleep much faster when you don’t take time to “wind down” for four hours after work, because you’ve lived a really full day.
Challenge yourself, give more, sleep better. Repeat.
Winning The Battle of Work vs. Life
November 2, 2007
It seems that Gen Y is adding a new characteristic to our list of generational generalities – many of us are joining the ranks of workaholics. Maybe it stems from our secret conservatism that we are mirroring tendency that characterized the careers and lives of our Boomer parents. It could be our intense desire to get ahead and our willingness to do whatever that takes.
Whatever the reason, it’s time to take a serious look at this issue and understand the trajectory of a life or career that begins with workaholism. Before it’s too late.
Now, I’m not saying that having a good work ethic and using it isn’t good. Of course it is. People who work hard deserve to get ahead. And usually, they do. That always will be true, and it’s a part of the system that’s built well. But there’s a big difference between working hard and working smart. In fact, psychologists tell us that hard workers are inherently different than workaholics.
And those teetering on the brink of being a workaholic need to think: is a life solely dedicated to a job or a career – well, is that any life at all?
Gen Y, pay attention – your lives are literally on the line.
Here’s what it boils down to: How we handle the proving ourselves time in entering the workforce is going to set precedents for the way the rest of our lives and opportunities play out. For example, as Penelope Trunk recently wrote, young women who want to have a family and career face the serious dilemma of timing and capitalizing on their fertility versus committing fully to a career. On the other hand of the same argument, young men like Ryan Paugh are talking about the dilemma of whether or not to commit to a long-term romantic relationship or to take risks in their career early on.
The main problem I see with these arguments isn’t in the arguments themselves. They both make excellent points, and the many counterpoints that are out there hold a lot of validity too. The problem is in the fact that each has outlined an either/or proposition. Essentially, you can have a family/relationship or you can have a great career. You see, the very way we are talking about this issue illustrates that no matter how much we tout the value of work/life balance, we seem to believe that in a way, it’s sort of a myth. And to be honest, a lot of times it feels like a myth.
All Gen Y workers entering the workforce face the issue of just how much to give to employers– hey, we’re a skilled, capable bunch with a lot to offer. That doesn’t necessarily differentiate us from generations past. It’s part of being at this stage in life. That’s also why right now is really important in who we will become as a generation. Right now, regardless of what we want, we have to deal with the reality of a system that often rewards time over talent and tenure over expertise. We’re aching for more important assignments, paying our dues while we wait on the rest of the corporate world to recognize and harness our raw talent.
And the truth is, getting what we want will take some time. Time that’s not best spent focusing every single spare moment on career while the other parts of our lives wait to get started.
Sure, there are opportunities out there for us now, and now’s a great time to invest in our careers. But it’s not a great time to procrastinate on life. It’s a great time to be living it. Which means that if Gen Y wants to be serious about work/life balance, we have to have the courage to prioritize for life when push comes to shove. It’s not an easy decision to make, but for the sake of the future of work (not to mention the future of you), I’d say it’s one worth making.
Where’s the reset button?
October 11, 2007
I blamed it on the business trips for a few weeks, the listless lack of focus and intense, non-stop feeling that a rush of deadlines, to-dos and priorities were weighing in too much. I thought surely I’d get over it after I’d had time to unpack, relax, and unwind. I’d find time to make those calls, to post those posts, to reply to those e-mails, to organize my closets, to start on those projects. Right?
So last weekend, all of two weeks of endless yawning sessions and incredible fatigue after the two-week travel spurt, I let myself sleep. Or more like, myself let me sleep. I went to bed at 8 p.m. Friday night. Lame right? Honestly, I haven’t been to sleep that early since I was probably 6, or maybe, possibly, after I got home from a month-long stay in Berlin.
I just fell asleep without warning or plan about an hour after I got home from a delicious, luxurious sushi dinner date with my boyfriend. We were watching some TV we’d missed that week, and all of a sudden, all I knew was it was 9 p.m. and his caring face was looking down, telling me to brush my teeth and that he was going home so he didn’t wake me up.
Then it was 10 a.m. Saturday morning, and I awoke, refreshed, ready to go. I had tons to do, felt totally rested, and had no good excuse not to do anything. So of course, I just sat around, catching up on TV, tidying my room a little. Not vacuuming or folding laundry or anything.
Then I went over to his house to watch the big game with the boyfriend and his roommates. Which meant both of us read Y the Last Man trades and back issues for three hours while everyone else watched the game. (Yep, I love comics. Bet you didn’t expect that one. Also, I despise televised football. Too little game, too much advertising. Lucky for me, the boyfriend’s not a sports on TV nut either.) Anyway, it did not mean working on my thesis research even though I took my laptop. I decided that doing nothing on my to do list for just one day would be a good way to reset, to just have a day where I didn’t have any big expectations for myself. So, I relaxed, ate really delicious, unhealthy sausage queso (the boy frat house that could kill you variety), just lived a little.
It was nice.
So of course, I expected Monday to roll around and for me to just feel ready to go, for the to-dos at work and on the personal list to start flying off my list. I had hit the reset button, after all, right? Instead, Monday morning hit me with panic. I hadn’t done ANYTHING this weekend, and I was going to pay for it. I nearly had a panic attack in the shower, thinking about one specific detail I hadn’t followed up on for an event I’m planning. Then of course, Monday and Tuesday were full of meetings. I probably sat at my desk an hour and a half each day. So those hours were useless, spent trying to figure out where to spend the little time I had. It was getting even worse. More out of control than before. Time was against me, no matter how hard I tried.
Then this morning, the electricity went out in my bathroom. And I had the brilliant idea I needed to reset the electric outlet, like that would do something, like when your dryer doesn’t come on the first time. So, I pushed it. Of course, the electricity didn’t come back on, because my dryer wasn’t the problem. The lights flickered a few times in the house, so I finally figured out it wasn’t just my bathroom, and that there must be some sort of brownout in the area. So of course, hitting a little reset button on the wall was a lame way to try to try to fix it.
So I started thinking, maybe that’s why my Saturday didn’t exactly reset me the way I needed it too, even though I really needed it to. Could it be it was really a lame attempt to fix a much bigger issue? I’m considering it. Because while I’m glad I was able to take some time to chill, I also really need to take some time to remind myself exactly what I think about time management, getting things done, and multitasking. Because when I’m working, I need to be able to work. That way I can really relax when I try, and maybe, somehow, find some balance in the process instead of feeling like both work and life are overwhelming me all the time.
But I have to tell you, I really, really wish sometimes there was just a reset button that I could push to start that day over, to recharge my energies and priorities, force me into focus. You know what I mean?
